Sunday, October 07, 2007

My Brush With Badness

A few weeks ago, I was at a staff meeting for new employees where everyone in the room was asked to mention one interesting thing about themselves that nobody else would know. I waited patiently 'til my turn came around, and then calmly explained how Michael Jackson once sent me to J.C. Penney to buy him underwear.

Since I have told my friends this story countless times, I was a little surprised by the strong reaction people had to my off-the-cuff comment. I guess I shouldn't have been. Like him or not, there is no denying that Michael Jackson is still a force of nature. Even my 5th graders are aware of him, and they were all of three years old when his last record came out! So to set the record straight, here is the account of my years with the so-called King of Pop.

Back in 1989, I was a fresh-faced college grad in Los Angeles searching for my first job. Since I was one of the six people that year who actually went to college just to learn how to work in a recording studio, I had no problem landing a position at one of the major studios in Hollywood. Of course, even with an expensive college degree, you couldn't just expect to start off working with bands inside the building, because that required actual EXPERIENCE, which of course was what everyone else was out getting while I was pursuing my worthless degree.

Instead, they stuck me out in the parking shack across the street for two months. Strangely enough, I had some experience in this area, as I had spent the summer working as a valet in a garage near Fenway Park.

Parking cars for rock stars certainly had its moments. Iggy Pop once drove up in a Hyundai with no windshield. Either Milli or Vanilli tipped me a dollar for parking their Jeep. The Beastie Boys all sped off laughing one day in their rented Escort, and then drove straight up to Mulholland Drive and pushed it over the cliff. And once a week during lunch, David Crosby handed me a twenty-dollar bill to take his brand-new BMW 750 to the car wash, which really only set me back like three bucks. Once when I brought it back to him, he handed me another twenty for a tip.

Nevertheless, a promotion was inevitable, and in the winter of '89. I was promoted to the midnight to eight janitorial position. At least I was happy to be inside the building, as it was getting cold in the unheated parking shack. But I knew absolutely nothing about cleaning toilets and mopping floors, as evidenced by the huge cloud of noxious smoke that spewed from the cleaning bucket on my first night when I mixed the bleach and ammonia together.

Washing David Crosby's car for twenty bucks was one thing. But cleaning the studio bathroom after David Crosby had been in there for twenty minutes was a different deal entirely. For starters, I was supposed to stay awake all night, but after six hours of cleaning the entire building, this was easier said then done. Finally, one morning as I was leaving, the studio manager asked me to take two small brass elephant bookends home and polish them up before my next shift. I spent the day looking for another job instead, and found one right away at a studio down the street on Sunset Blvd.

At my new job, I was hired on as a "runner," which meant I got to run errands all over LA in my trusty '84 VW Rabbit. A couple months later, they moved me out to a studio in the San Fernando Valley for a "special" project.

This project would eventually become Michael Jackson's "Dangerous" album. When I first started, Michael was working with three different groups of producers all trying to take the place of Quincy Jones, who had not been chosen to work on this project. I think Michael wanted to go out on his own for this one, but the problem was that he had no idea what he wanted! One day, Slash from Guns N' Roses would be recording a searing guitar solo, while the next day, a chorus of thirty children would be singing a nursery rhyme or something.

Michael didn't say much to me at first, until one day he ran in screaming that there was a "vagabond" sitting in the alley behind the studio. I took a look, expecting Charlie Chaplin to pop out or something, but there was just some homeless guy sipping malt liquor out of a bag on the back steps.

Eventually, Michael warmed up to me, and even started talking to me once in a while if he was in the mood. Once, he asked if I was going to have to go fight in the (Gulf) war. I told him I was probably too old to be drafted, and he responded by saying that he was relieved, because "if you went to the war, you could die."

He also started sending me out on errands, like going out with his credit card one afternoon to fill his huge Blazer up with gasoline. If I remember correctly, he had an auxiliary gas tank mounted, so he could get up to his ranch without having to get out and fill up along the way.

I guess I should mention at this point that Michael is an awful driver. He hit everyone's car in the studio lot at least once, including mine. One time, he rear-ended a guy on the 101 freeway, and just left the scene because the guy got out of his car and started screaming at him. Eventually, he gave up and got someone to drive him in to work every day.

Other memorable experiences include calling Tower Records (RIP) an hour before they closed, and having them shut down early so that Michael and I could go shopping. Even thought it was just up the road, I was glad to get out of MJ's car and into the safety of the store! I think he dropped about $1500 on CDs that night.

Anyway, one day Michael shyly asked me if I could do him a special favor. I'm pretty sure this was after he stopped driving, so I guess he really didn't have any other way to get stuff during the day. Of course I agreed, which was when he told me flat-out that he had just run out of underwear.

For pretty much the whole two years that I worked with him, Michael came in every day wearing black dress pants and a red button-down shirt. He had a whole rack of just these two items in his office, which I assume he either had cleaned and returned to him, or just threw away at the end of the day. But on this particular day, I guess he was running low on drawers.

At first, he just said that he wanted underwear. When I asked him what kind, he just repeated "Underwear!" When I told him I wasn't his mother and didn't know what to get, he kind of laughed, and then said "Hanes thirty please." When I was almost out the door however, he came running up and yelled "make them thirty-twos, I don't want them to be too tight!" So there it is folks. The King of Pop wears tightie-whities!

Other than that, I never saw any funny business going on for the two years I worked with him. I really enjoyed this experience, and even got my name on the CD! Michael was always polite and reserved in the studio, but he had his silly moments as well.

He was also really concerned about doing anything that would inadvertently upset anybody around him. Even though he was spending five thousand bucks a day on studio time, Michael left me this note one day on my desk. I kept it as a souvenir, and pull it out now and then if people ever question my story. It pretty much tells you everything you need to know about him as a person and an artist.



*More discussion on this post can be found here. For the purposes of clarification, Michael was just telling me that he took a pen off my desk. Also, the French translation of "tightie-whities" to "panties," although humorous, is not accurate. The type of undergarment I am describing is just a plain white pair of men's cotton briefs. Many men continue to wear these into adulthood, though most switch to boxer shorts at some point.

274 comments:

1 – 200 of 274   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

I had to comment on this story. Its so funny, but, like, totally cool!!!

Sulley said...

Very nice story! I'm glad you had good times with Michael! Thanks for posting it! :-)

Anonymous said...

excellent story love Michael Jackson

Anonymous said...

Lmao @ Michael being a crap driver. Michael is funny without realising it. Nice story, thanks for sharing :)

Anonymous said...

What an excellent story.

Anna said...

What a cool story thanks for sharing...my favorite is him hitting everyones car...I am glad you had the nice experience with Michael...you are so lucky

LJ said...

That is the CUTEST MJ story I have ever read. His little tighty-whiteys...

And that note is adorable. He's such an idiot.

Anonymous said...

LOL! i always figured MJ would be a lousy driver, he just seems like the type. and I had to lol again at "ink pin" thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Awwwww...so damn sweet for michael to leave a comment for him...

Anonymous said...

Very nice story!

Sometimes I think that Michael is so much misunderstood...

Every person who has "actually" spent time with him tells stories like this... Michael is such a nice person... That "ink pin" note is awesome, you cant expect such kindness from any other artist (not to mention that he is one of the greatest!)

Anonymous said...

That is such a funny and cute story. "Ink pin" ROFL. MJ can't spell for toff, but he seems super sweet.

Anonymous said...

This is a great story... I really enjoyed reading it.

I am a fan of MJ's music and also work as a journalist. I would love to speak to you in a little more detail about your time about MJ. He doesn't get enough good press.

Could you possibly email me at thomsonc59@hotmail.com ?

Anonymous said...

You've made a lot of MJ fans happy with this entry LOL :) (:

Anonymous said...

Truly loved reading your story. We need to hear more real accounts such as yours. I've always known in my heart of hearts that MJ was this way. Just a sweet, sweet guy. Such a pity, what the general public is fed. Thanks for sharing. :)

Anonymous said...

Truly loved reading your story. We need to hear more real accounts such as yours. I've always known in my heart of hearts that MJ was this way. Just a sweet, sweet guy. Such a pity, what the general public is fed. Thanks for sharing. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh my god! That is one of the best and funniest stories I've heard! You are very lucky to have had that experience. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

What a story! MJ is sooo cute!!

Anonymous said...

GREAT story! thanks so much for sharing!! Having worked for Michael for two whole years you must have loads more stories to tell. PLEASE share some more! :)

Anonymous said...

That's such a great story !!! Realoly made me laugh, he's so sweet :-D So your name's on the CD ? That's great ! Where exactly is it ?

Anonymous said...

brilliant story! love it. I read it three times- it makes me crack up every time.

Thanks for sharing- we know you got more!!

Anonymous said...

That was a positive story, it appears that people that usually spend time with Jackson seem to all say the same thing. He is very polite and just wants to make everyone around him happy including himself. Post more

Anonymous said...

Great story!

Everybody who knows MJ in person tell about him this way.

I make a translation in spanish for the people of MJHideOut, the largest spanish speaking MJ forum in the net.

People are loving the story.

You can watch it in spanish here:
http://www.mjhideout.com/foro/showthread.php?t=75327

Anonymous said...

Did you ever drive Wacko and his little boyfriends around?

Anonymous said...

How annoying is the above commentor?

I am NOT a Michael Jackson fan, but did you even READ this blog post? Where the writer specifically says he didn't see any funny business? And calling him "Wacko." Wow! Original! No one's heard that before.

It just bugs me when people try (and fail) to make clever comments without even reading the post.

Anonymous said...

You have always made us very proud and we still wish that you and sparkly would write something together- so very talented

nie aufgeben! said...

Ahhh - Sam, you really have a great sense of humour! I love it! - btw: what are you doing in Afghanistan...?!?

Anonymous said...

Very cool story.
Not just the MJ part, but the reality of a path one may have to take to actually get from the class room to the control room.

Lemme guess.
Based on the parking lot they had you in (next to the very fine book store, Opamp Technical Books), and proximity (1032 & 1033), your first "studio gig" was at the Record Plant on N.Sycamore?

peace,
tA

Anonymous said...

Hey! I worked at Tower Records 89-90! I do remember Michael coming to the store once, but he didn't do the shopping himself. He came in the back and went up in our security booth so he could watch the people shopping. Meanwhile, he had a list of stuff he wanted and a couple of employees just grabbed it all for him. Judging by the number of CDs I saw stacked up in the back, he must have dropped at least $1500 that night too.

The only person I remember actually coming in after hours to shop on his own was Bruce Springsteen. *sigh* I loved that job.

Anonymous said...

That is so awesome. You lucky fuck!

Anonymous said...

what about the porn you did?

Anonymous said...

I had no idea you were such a talented writer Rob. You never cease to impress. The story is cool. I have one to share with you about Michael when I see you next. Hope all is well!

Anonymous said...

salut je suis française!
Hello i'm french!

super ton histoire sur michael jackson!
your history is very funny on michael jackson!
bisous!
kiss!

Nicole Reis said...

Thanks so much for sharing. Michael won't even do the smallest thing which might affect you without telling you! I guess that's the point of you saying the note tells you everything you need to know about him as an artist and a person. That's sweet, good insight into Michael's personality. Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

thanks for writing down your story!
mike seems so sweet!
shame the tabloids jump on the stories of people who have prob never even met him, or the ones who are just out to make money, instead of people like you who know the real mike

Hautemama said...

Great story! I love Micheal Jackson!

Anonymous said...

Great story! Thanks for sharing. So good to hear about real-life Michael - love him!

Keag said...

wow that an awesome story..that just must have been the funniest thing ever..i love Michael..dude i wish i was you..well id have more fun with the underwear sincs im a girl..lol but wow great story..hysterical..shows michael's silly personality!

Anonymous said...

Really glad to read this story on holiday. mj is such kind person I've already through!

Anonymous said...

Im s00o0 jealous right now i wish i worked for him .... i always wondered why MJ never drove lol good thing i figured he was a bad driver and " Ink Pin" lol dat was a cute story tnx for sharing

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing these lovely little stories.

I like the album a lot.

~fans from Hong Kong

Anonymous said...

So cute that he was a lousy driver !

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for posting this. Every story like yours goes some way to right all the shite the tabloids have spouted about Michael for years. It seems he was just an honourable down to earth kinda guy who really did want to make the world a better place. I think he achieved that to a degree, and I also think that everyone who loves him will carry on with good deeds in his name. Who knows where the ripples of love will end?

Thanks again, lovely piece to read x

Anonymous said...

ALL STORIES FROM PEOPLE WHO MET MICHAEL ARE LIKE THIS ONE.

WHY DON'T THE MEDIA PRINT ANYTHING TRUE LIKE THIS ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON? I'M SICK OF IT.

YOUR STORY MAKES ME HAPPY BUT ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME, THAT THE WORLD DOESN'T KNOW THE TRUE MICHAEL.

Anonymous said...

You should have bought him some thongs too, he would have laughed his head off!

Anonymous said...

I love this story and Michael - a bad driver ??? that made my year ....!!! and the underwear bit - was hilarious and he was normal like rest of us and the pin note was cute... I love this story - thanxs for sharing!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey!
First of all : you are funny, then,you write well, then, you can build up a person'c character using a note,a funny moment and his driving "talent"...good on you!
and of course I enjoyed reading about the human,silly,normal MJ...

Catherine said...

Loved your stories about Michael! I wonder if you have more -- you should write a little book of vingettes! Very entertaining, and very heartwarming as well. I had a big smile on my face while reading.

What a great experience to have had in life - working with one of the most famous entertainers who ever lived! Thanks for giving us a glimpse into the human side of Michael - a side the world in general rarely got to see.

Thank you again for sharing. I hope you'll consider writing more about Michael. More people need to know that there was a human being behind the public image.

Anonymous said...

omg Michael is sooo cute when hes being a normal goof lol
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silent said...

It's nice to read a story about Michael that brings on a smile or a chuckle. I love to hear about him in an everyday, people-like-us setting. So much I've read is depressing or even infuriating when a hater gets their two cents in. You people all seem really nice. I have a problem I need to talk about to someone. Michael has been gone over 11 weeks now. I have cried every day for over 11 weeks. I have family that I must hide this from because they wouldn't understand. I don't even really understand. While trying to mourn and suffer alone and in private, one family member did catch on and told me I am in love with Michael and that I just can't do that. I am a college-educated adult yet have no idea what the hell to do. My life is falling apart. Yes, he is everything I could have ever asked for in a man and so much more. I didn't know men like him existed. But I've never met him. I had a crush on him when Rock with You came out long ago. I used to turn off all the lights and dance to it all by myself. The days aren't getting any easier, I think they are worse. I am in misery. I've lost interest in things I used to like to do. I cannot talk about this to my family. They'll get mad at me and belittle me. I am alone and suffering. I can't take it much longer. I am grieving as if I lost a loved one such as a husband. I know I must be nuts, but that doesn't make it any easier trying to get through each day knowing that the next day after that will be the same heartache all over again. I think some of it is because I wish I could have done something to ease his pain during his nightmare legal problems. Please talk to me. I'm sorry to lay such heavy reading material on a site that is upbeat and funny, but like I said, you all seem nice and I am reaching my wit's end.

Lingo-Buster said...

This is a such an endearing story....I loved it!! Michael is so funny and adorabaly sweet. Thanks for sharing :)

Anonymous said...

To silent
You are not alone. I am 42 years and a nurse and am in such pain over MJ even though I never met him. I watch his videos everyday and when I go to work I just try to find people who like him too so we could talk.Its so hard for me to concentrate. I fail my exams a few weeks ago cus I just wasn't able to concentrate. I wasn't even bothered that I had failed even though I had spent a lot of money on it. You are not alone, am just praying that with time our pain will go down. It hurts so bad. I feel so hurt, mad and sad that his so called friends couldn't find ways to help him. May be we the fans should have taken matters into our hands to find out how he was doing. We would have done a better job cus we loved him unconditionally and we wouldn't have done it for money or fame. But just out of love. RIP MJ

Anonymous said...

Aw, great story. It kinds of puts me in a state of relief, as silly as it is, because I'm 18 and should have gotten my license two years ago but still don't like driving because I'm horrible. But hey, now my response will be, "Well, you know who else was a crappy driver? Michael Jackson!" XD

You're absolutely right about that note summing up the kind of person he was.

I remember Janet saying, I think it was in Harper's Bazaar Oct 09 interview, that she'd pick out Michael's clothing for her and he'd always wear the same red shirt and same black pants.

Anyways, thanks for sharing this. As an avid, devotedlover of Michael Jackson, I really, really enjoyed it.

Best regards

Anonymous said...

What a lovely story! ^_^ Michael was such a special person, and you're SO lucky to have had that opportunity.

another part of me said...

thanks for sharing...but i can't find your name =(
anyway...i love when come up michael human side...he was so lovely...and simple...
it's funny to know that he was an awful driver (as me lol)and the plain way how he said to u about war..cute!!

"im not your mother!"lol...ahahah...
question: which size is 32?lol...i'm italian so the size are different...lol...
have a nice week ahead...and thanks again
=)
chy

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this! You have made my day.

Anonymous said...

Cute story! I love Michael! What a sweetheart!

Micheline said...

What a nice memory of your experiences with Michael Jackson. Even the simplest of actions can say so much about a person, like his note about the pen. Honest and trustworthy. As for buying his underwear, what a privilege. It means Michael trusted you as well. Thanks for sharing this!

tamitee said...

Thank you for sharing your pleasant experience Michael.

Lovely_meRita said...

So MJ was a crap driver... I guess you can't be good at everything!! LoL.

Not surprised he wore tightie-whities... I wouldn't be surprised if he even had custom sized like..GI Joes..LoL. He's such a big kid. Sweet though.

And yea, I agree with another poster:..he was funny without knowing it...

Anonymous said...

I find "the ink pen" is so cute!, oh he has THE attitude, very sweet & humble person. I enjoyed this story very much, He is the KIng of entertainment, and yet the King of himself.Great personality.Thank you for sharing this. He is surely be missed by all of his fans

wHiTia27 said...

Sweet memory...
It was sooooooo good that you could work with him for such a long rime.
I miss him so much...

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing. You've made tons of fans really happy, good for you!
And not to mention I'm really jealous that you got to spend time with MJ! :D

MJ's so sweet. :)

Dominique (Michael Jackson's Future Wife) said...

omg michael wears tighty whities lol i always expected him to wear boxers r boxer briefs wow excellent story u r so lucky 2 work wit the greatest man that ever lived i luv it so much. can it get any cuter than this? i think not rip baby doll :)

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Unknown said...

This was a very sweet and cute story about Michael. I am not surprise about the brief because I could tell from some of his pictures that he had them on.

Michael fans love and miss him so much and these are the kind of stories that make us feel connected to him and gives us greater inside to know him on a personal scale.

Anonymous said...

your lucky.. he seemed soo cool lol

Anonymous said...

Silent,

If this helps I like Michael Jackson too but I think you need to be really understand that he was not the perfect man. He had a wealth of issues with plastic surgery and drugs and I don't think that's easy to deal with for anyone. No one knows who he really was as a person. Even Lisa Marie said his personality at home and with his fans was different. With her he cursed, drank and told dirty jokes. She also said that he would leave her for weeks at a time and there were things he did that she didn't like. Not standing up for her or ragging on Michael, but I don't think people know Michael Jackson. They only know what Michael wanted them to see. It's not worth getting to upset over as if his family, friends or his wife couldn't intervene in his life I don't think anyone else could. He had to want to save himself. He was a good person but with his own set of issues. So what can you say. RIP Michael Jackson

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Anonymous said...

About the note that he left you: In "Thriller 25: The Book", it is written, that this is a note Michael Jackson wrote in 1982 and left for the team at "Westlake Recording Studio" during "Thriller" sessions.

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Thank you so much for sharing your stories it put a wide smile on my face! I love hearing random stories about Michael, love him

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